GILGAMESH VERSUS THE WONTOR

Sittin' on a log
Great, big hairy frog, he's the Wontor
Children sing his name
We all worship his fame, we couldn't ask for more

He's led a happy life
He's even friends with the Baker's wife (they used to date, you know)
Out on the town
People never wear a frown when the Wontor steals the show

With a mouse's ears and a possum's hairless tail
The Wontor seeks adventure on every woodland trail

'Neath the desert sky
Gilgamesh the king keeps a watchful eye over all the land
His people wish him gone
They feel they've lived too long 'neath his heavy hand

Rebellion fills the air
Gilgamesh couldn't care any less over what he sees
The gods aren't pleased at all
Gilgamseh answers their holy call on trembling knees

"Fight the hairy creature, Enkidu is his name
 Show us that you're faithful, and we'll ensure your fame"

Off the king did go
But little did he know...

What is in a name?
The Bard of Avon used this same line long ago
The Wontor never dreamt
What his name exactly meant in the translation, though

The King searched far and wide
With the gods all on his side how can he lose?
Then he saw him there
Covered all in brown, wet hair did the Wontor snooze

"I'll overtake him as he lies in peaceful sleep
 Let the body burn in hell... but I think the head I'll keep"

Think our story's done?
Get ready for some fun

On the mythic field
The Wontor just refused to yield his sacred ground
Their swords and armor crash
As they slice and slash the skies echo the horrid sound

"Die, Enkidu, DIE!"
But the Wontor didn't know exactly why this all went on
"Who the hell are you?
My name's not Enkidu, it's The Wontor, son!"

The king was terrified, the horror shook his bones:
A great big hairy amphibian, with the voice of James Earl Jones

"The gods told me so...
I'm sorry, Wontor, but you'll have to go... I'm in a legend now".
"How absurd!" He cried
"You've got me stupified... tell me who you are now."

"I'm Gilgamesh the king
Sorry about this whole darned thing, but you've got to die
It's just a hero's quest
Let me stab you in the chest and we'll both be fine"

The Wontor stopped the hasty king from making Wontor-ka-bob
"Hold on a second, Gilgamesh... I've got a brand new job

To this day, somewhere
Gilgamesh combs the ratty hair of his new found friend
They travel all around
Happiness does abound and our story nears its end

Mounds of earth shall rise
Underneath Wisconsin skies, Wontor mounds are they
Don't disturb their rest
Even if they look like a breast, Wontor tombs they are today

Fear The Wontor, hide your women and your men
Soon, my faithful followers, he shall return again

The greatest thing on earth
We love him for all he's worth

Copyright 1997, Matt Chasco

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